By Dr. Laurie Mintz
The two biggest risks of letting your sex life fizzle out are relationship dissatisfaction and increased likelihood of splitting up.
Have you ever felt that if you never had sex again you wouldn’t care? Or that your sex life was completely over? If so, you are not alone. Studies indicate that between 30% and 55% of women in long-term relationships report that they’ve lost their desire. This issue is not confined to women alone; research shows that anywhere from 1% to 28% of men also express a diminished interest in sex.
When one partner loses sexual desire, it can often lead to a relationship characterized by minimal to no sexual intimacy. While some couples can mutually agree to give up sex and are both satisfied with this decision, complications arise when it’s one partner making the decisoin. This can lead to a decline in both sexual and nonsexual forms of positive touch.
A significant consequence of one partner deciding to let sex go is the other partner’s sexual dissatisfaction, which poses two major relational risks.
The Two Biggest Risks of Letting Your Sex Life Fizzle Out in a Relationship
Dissatisfaction With the Relationship
Sexual and relationship satisfaction are related. Couples who are less happy have less sex, but it is important to know that this goes the other way as well. Couples who are unhappy with their sex life are often less happy with their relationship, meaning that giving up sex can increase unhappiness within the relationship.
As a sex therapist, I believe that this is because by giving up sex, couples are giving up on the essence of what defines their relationship. Sex is the activity that monogamous partners agree only to do with one another, and it is what sets their relationship apart from other relationships. Giving this up means letting go of this unique bond.
Increased Chance of Going Your Separate Ways
Couples in a sex drought often experience feelings of resentment and disconnection. This situation often exacerbates communication difficulties regarding sex, which can spill over into other areas of the couple’s life. As sexual touch diminishes, couples may also experience a decline in general affectionate touch, and this lack of positive touch can affect relationship satisfaction at an even deeper level.
Because of this, studies following couples have revealed that those who are sexually dissatisfied are less likely to stay together.
For scientifically-supported things to try before giving up on your sex life and suffering these negative consequences, see my blog Four Ways to Avoid the Biggest Hazards in a Sex Drought.